Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The air was thick with penises
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Randomize