I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
is this the sara with the beer cane?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
