five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
