Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
