I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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