Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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