He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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