we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
