I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
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This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
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Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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