She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
