so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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