i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
