I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
