i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
