Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I skipped work to stalk him.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
