your room smells of hookers.
And success
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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