well he's currently spooning the coffee table
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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