the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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