we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
