Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
