That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
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I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
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Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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