just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
