i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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