Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
