And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
