dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
soo... how was my night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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