Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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