there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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