He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
