Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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