What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i think i just lost a toe
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
