i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
sex in a hospital.. check
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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