I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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