Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
