so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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