So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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