My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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