Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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