Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.

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(407): Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date. http://tfl.nu/dv8x

Replies (26) Good night (689) Bad night (4469)
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(510): View more from California

answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.

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(510): answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/6rsg

Replies (6) Good night (1573) Bad night (5555)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.

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(832): He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point. http://tfl.nu/zypj

Replies (21) Good night (8601) Bad night (1208)
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(214): View more from Texas

That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.

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(214): That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed. http://tfl.nu/6ncx

Replies (5) Good night (4578) Bad night (1009)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.

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(918): I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out. http://tfl.nu/s7ox

Replies (6) Good night (1372) Bad night (2989)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.

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(601): we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again. http://tfl.nu/0kiq

Replies (9) Good night (3923) Bad night (1056)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??

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(717): at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea?? http://tfl.nu/j9re

Replies (9) Good night (2357) Bad night (1199)
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(708): View more from Illinois

Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.

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(708): Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college. http://tfl.nu/9ysd

Replies (14) Good night (3186) Bad night (734)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?

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(901): Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper? http://tfl.nu/q7x9

Replies (17) Good night (4416) Bad night (929)
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(613): View more from Ontario

Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo

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(613): Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo http://tfl.nu/26vh

Replies (10) Good night (2119) Bad night (636)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.

(410): View more from Maryland

The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.

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(443): Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good. (410): The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky. http://tfl.nu/y3f5

Replies (10) Good night (1034) Bad night (2147)
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(650): View more from California

Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse

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(650): Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse http://tfl.nu/az1s

Replies (2) Good night (859) Bad night (542)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."

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(304): It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry." http://tfl.nu/xw8s

Replies (9) Good night (569) Bad night (1046)
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(804): View more from Virginia

I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.

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(804): I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying. http://tfl.nu/bp4d

Replies (3) Good night (456) Bad night (199)
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(641): View more from Iowa

im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships

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(641): im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships http://tfl.nu/ifce

Replies (2) Good night (638) Bad night (204)

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