I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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