Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug