Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.