Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
my liver is dry heaving
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
