and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
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Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home