He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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