I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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