i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
