She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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