When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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