apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
