So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
