Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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