Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
