What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
