one two three fourrrrnication!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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