his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
they call him Oral-B. enough said
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
