I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
