I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
