ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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