i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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