I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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