whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
