He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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