how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
