You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
