oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
