operation have a gay friend backfired
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.