counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
