How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
