you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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