I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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