i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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