you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
