just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
