So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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