I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
