question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
